Goodbye

Today is the last time I'll see my group of exchange student friends.

I keep waiting for it to "hit me," but it still hasn't. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. That sucker-punch feeling in the pit of my stomach? Uncontrollable tears? Anger? Sadness? An even stronger desire to return to Colorado?

I was writing goodbye letters to my friends, and I was thinking about this. I thought about when I left Colorado. I hadn't really cried or made much of a fuss about leaving for Belgium, until the night before my flight. I bawled like a baby, and curled up in my mom's bed. I ended up crying hysterically until 3:30 am (keep in mind I had to be up at around 5), and finally fell asleep for a little while.

I cried waiting for my plane to come in Denver, and I cried for a good portion of the flight to DC. But when I got there, I told myself that that was enough; the adventure was beginning NOW, and I wanted it to begin on a good note. After that, there were no more tears. I didn't really feel a huge slap from culture shock. Life here just became my routine.

Now I'm wondering if that will happen when I return in just under two weeks (I still can't believe it's that soon!). Will I fall back into life the way it used to be? Am I different? Are my friends? What about my friends from Belgium (exchangers and Belgians alike)? Will we be able to keep in contact other than the occasional "Hey, what's up?" and a Facebook "Happy Birthday!" ?

I don't think it'll ever really "hit" me that I'm going home. I think it'll just happen, and things will continue. I've come to the conclusion that that's just how life works. Things don't come in great waves and uncontrollable bouts like in movies or books. Life just keeps trucking on, like little waves hitting the shores of a lake.