Last week I made a list of subjects I want to tackle in my blog. This will be my first post from that list.

I know Rotary always said to us that one of the hardest things to handle while on exchange is the idea that time continues to pass back home. When you go back, things have changed. This wasn't really a problem for me at first; I accept that things change and I can't control them. That's the definition of life. There's no way to be prepared 100% of the time, which I learned the hard way.
On October 7th, my friend Mike Paul died from complications due to a stroke he suffered during surgery to remove cancerous tumors from his chest. On November 15th, my cat, Eyesick, was put down because of an unpreventable case of liver failure. Mike was 17. Eyesick was 2.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I bawled my eyes out when I found out about both. I still have not come to grips with the fact that both of them were snatched away, and both so young. It's hard to know that I wasn't there for them, even though I promised both that I would never leave and would always be by their sides 100%. Yes, I make promises to my pets. If you want to judge, go somewhere else. It's painful to think about the fact that all of Mike's friends were at his funeral and they all were able to grieve together at school while I'm stuck here in Belgium, unable to participate. I don't think I've come to terms with his death because I wasn't there to experience it. When I think about going home, I think about going to see Mike. But now, that's reduced to seeing a tombstone. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I miss Eyesick like crazy, too. He wasn't just a cat, he was my friend. I loved him very, very much. I first saw him when he was only a few hours old, and played with him from the time he could walk until the day we brought him home. He was gorgeous, gentle, and a big lazy-butt. But I don't care, because he loved everyone he met. There wasn't a mean bone in his body. He was even nice to my fish!

The point of this was to try to explain that life doesn't freeze. It's a tough lesson to learn. I know that I'll continue on with my exchange and friends at home will keep moving through their lives. But how to I melt back in to society when I come home? I'll be totally out of sync with what's been happening. I've missed football games, homecoming, every day classes... and I'm going to miss Prom, AP test week, graduation, and who knows what else? It's just weird to think that two completely separate worlds are functioning at the same moment, and in some ways, I'm caught between them.